Lance Armstrong is Contagious
It’s apparently true. Sources have confirmed that Sheryl Crow had a chunk or so of boob cancer removed from her, well boobs.
The Jizzfarm is currently reporting that Miss Crow, who was recently dumped by Lance developed the cancerous chunk as a result of prolonged sexual contact and encounters with Lance Armstrong’s formerly infected member.
Jizzfarm Science luminary Dr. Scientist suggests that its possible that, “Cancer residue from Lance’s removed testical likely forever fused with amd mutated Lance’s velatio, the valves that create approximately 300 million new sperms each day, resulting in a cancer causing ejaculate.” In other words, Lance Armstrong is to the women he sexes what the Toxic Avenger was to, well, everything.
Dr. Scientist explains that proper use of profilacticks might prevent infection, but that the length of Armstrong’s relationship to Crow suggests that condom usage probably wasn’t a concern. “Its likely that they weren’t using condoms because who does after the first few times. With a two plus year courtship that means that Sheryl was exposed to roughly 300 million mutated jizz per day. Depending on whether Sherly was exposed orally, vaginally, and/or anally the cancer could not simply be located in her breasts but in other harder to reach areas.”
In fact Dr. Scientist suggests that diagnosis of breast cancer in women, like Miss Crow, with small boobs is actually simple because the cancer sticks out like, “an erection in a ballet recital.”
A rep from Mr. Armstrong and Miss Crow declined to comment.
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