Boners
Hello there dirty friends! This is Dirty Erik. This is the first of a series of weekly posts that I will be offering to www.thejizzfarm.com. In addition, I will also be posting my Song of the Week; it’s guaranteed to be a kickass song. This week’s topic: Boners 
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Girls always complain about how being a girl sucks: they have to deal with being on the rag, menstrual cramps, stained panties, and not being able to fool around with hot guys such as Matt Rarey 
(check him out U of I ladies, he’s single, horny, and has a D the size of texas). I argue that being a guy isn’t much better. I got to a university where girls outnumber guys two to one, and 75 percent of those girls are hot as balls. This predicament therefore causes me to have an erectohuge boner mcfarland gigantor-cock almost 100 percent of the time. Unfortunately, many of these boners occur while I am in class, where I am very unable to masturbate and release my love juice in response to these very hot ladies. I have tried numerous options: pocket pool, covering my unit with my coat while I unzip and go to town on my shaft, etc. These attempts at blowing a hot, steamy, and frothy load in order to relieve myself have all proved to be unsuccessful. In fact, they often make me even hornier. This fucking sucks.
Even worse is the case of what I like to call “Nuisance Boners.” These are boners that occur simply from a sharp increase in temperature (therefore causing increased bloodflow to the D, effectively causing an erection) or from simply not getting ass the previous night and leading to an extremely uncomfortable and everlasting boner the next day. Unlike a normal boner, these boners do not feel good. In fact, they are painful. Anyone that has gotten a boner during church knows what I am talking about. Making matters worst, these boners are often the hardest and longest boners that can be acheived by any mortal man. They are super long, and are very noticeable by hot ladies. This leads to an uncomfortable and embaressing situation. One time in church, I was approaching the alter while during communion. I had a huge erection while sitting in the pews. While there were numerous hotties in the sanctuary that day, this particular boner was a nuisance boner, and therefore measured at least 8 inches. I saw that a hot girl was in front of me in the communion line, and decided to flaunt my massive cock, hoping that she would get wet herself and possible want to hook up later after the church service. This was not the case; she look disgusted and almost threw up the body and blood of Christ after taking communion (side note: had she done this, would her sins not have been forgiven?).
So, in conclusion, while nuisance boners are indeed extremely large, DO NOT attempt to flaunt them to hot ladies. They will probably not be turned on. Making matters worse, since nuisance boners are not a product of being turned on, they are diffucult to stroke off. I have often caused myself shaft chafing, bleeding, scabbing, and scarring. Also, bringing these boners to climax often takes awhile. To prove this, try whacking off your morning wood when you wake up. I guarentee that it will take much longer to blow your load than a normal boner would. Additionally, it probably won’t feel as good. I am doing much research on how to avoid nuisance boners. Unfortunatly, they seem to occur almost spontaneously. I will post a solution as soon as I find one. As a short-term option, I recommend the “D-tuck.” If you find yourself with a boner in class, church, on campus, in an interview or otherwise, inconspicuously reach down into your undercarriage and fold your shaft up behind your belt-buckle. Many of you may have heard this technique commonly referred to as the “lift-and-tuck” technique. Whatever the name, I can assure you that it works. This is not uncomfortable and will drain the blood from your hugely drawn horse-cock.
A final note for weightlifters. Erections are caused by increased bloodflow directed into the blood vessels of the D. This increase in bloodflow is stimulated by an increase in the neurotransmitter Nitrous Oxide (NO). This increase in NO can be stimulated by the hypothalamus or by an external source of NO. A popular and effective new weightlifting supplement is indeed NO, as it causes vasodilation (increase in diameter of blood vessels). This allows for increased protein shuttling to muscles, thereby increasing muscle mass faster. However, it may also contribute to a higher number of Nuisance Boners. If you are considering getting on the supplement, you have been suitably warned.
Smegma McForeskin Rimms Hot D Temptuous Boner Sanchez Dirty Hot Carl Cums-a-lot. ;)
This week’s Song of the Week: 23 by Jimmy Eat World.